05
Aug
09

How to Become a God

demigod smite

Demigod offers many paths to ascendency. It should be noted that huge armoured knight Oak treads an easier path than most. It’s better not to regard him as an enemy, but more as a lesson, a series of instructions on how to become a God.

Lesson 1: Carry a Big Axe

Demigod axe 2

A massive axe is a hardy and effective problem-solving device, especially in situations where the problem is Everyone Who Isn’t You and the solution is Killing Them All. If the sheer lack of subtlety of having an axe which is twice your size doesn’t put potential competitors off marching onto the battlefield with you, then having their skull eventually cleaved in twain might send a more convincing message. That message is: Don’t Fuck With Me I Have A Massive Axe.

Lesson 2: Maintain an Entourage of Vengeful Spirits

Demigod minions

Speaking of messages, nothing says “I’m quite determined to mess you up” like an army of vengeful spirits swirling about your colossal armoured form. While it can be correctly noted that seeing a dead friend resurrected as a mindless hideous drone before your eyes can be severely demoralising, It’s perhaps more pertinent to note the severe maiming that occurs when said resurrected friend is now trying his best to gnaw your arm off. Moments later it won’t matter of course, you’ll be joining your friends for a merry life of slavery and suicidal attacks against lightning towers.

Lesson 3: Keep on Killing, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE DEAD.

demigod last stand

Don’t get dead, get temporarily insane, and THEN dead. Go on a rampage for a few minutes and then, once everyone in the vicinity is mashed into the flagstones let the reaper have his way with you.  Just when your opponent thinks he has struck his final blow, THAT is the time to glow blue, become twice as strong and attack twice as fast for a period of about thiry seconds until absolutely everything has been ground to dust. When killing you is the very worst thing your foes could do to prevent a very splattery death, you’re on a clear path to Godhood.

ludo-head-coloured

Ludo out.

Advertisements

0 Responses to “How to Become a God”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Dante’s Twitter

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Ludo’s Twitter

Man vs Horse Podcast


%d bloggers like this: